Mourning of the Night

Hello darkness, my old friend.
I have come to talk with you again.

Sing me a song of mourning, for I am long since deceased. This is the funeral of my heart, the ceremony of my demise. Bury me in your sorrow and drown me in the tears you have made me cry. Remember my name and my face, for I will be haunting you when you start to fade away within your mind.

Weep for me in your frustration and remember what was done.  A fake smile to press my lips, you will never know. The sadness that is in my eyes, hides the sadness that is in my soul.

Now, we will lay here together, in our coffin of grieving. Chant away to the death song, cry out in vain. I will always hear you, but you won't hear me.

Loneliness

I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You never know it but there are most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way.

Maybe because you are feeling completely abandoned. Maybe because you realized that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe because you know that you should have handled something differently. Or maybe because you aren't as good as you thought you were.

Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice; you can either wallow in self pity, or you can suck it up. It’s your call.

~Scrubs Season 1, Episode 23 - My Hero

Alone

And it rains. Rains ice. The sun forgives us.
And it’s the end of it now.
And I smile.
And I smile in sadness.
And I try to fall asleep.
And this is how it always ends.
Alone.

I Romanticize

Life Happens

Every time you leave someone behind or they decide to quit on you, things don't remain the same. There's always a change - sometimes a major change or sometimes just a minor one which you brush off. Whether you miss these people from your life or not, they change you in a certain way and then they come back to you in pieces, years after they are gone. Some come in dreams, others come in places, a few in songs here and there, and many on occasions and festivals.

Here is the interesting thing about life: It kicks you down, in fact it kicks you while you are down. It brutally bashes you and breaks your bones - one at a time - so that you do not miss out on the pain. Life is not a disaster, it is a slow torture. But just when you think that you cannot go on any longer, and life is convinced that you have given up, it brings you flowers and tend to your wounds and helps you get up on your feet only to knock you down some other time. At the end of it all, it is such a humbling experience.

Time & Again

So here I am, another year older but not necessarily any wiser. Some things, you just don't learn because some things just don't change. Heartache, for instance, or disappointments.  And I can't help but wonder if that’s how I am supposed to live. I have jumped another number, gathered a few more memories, but it’s still the same story, just a different man. I wonder if that’s what growing old is  - becoming unhappier with each passing year. May be.  Perhaps it is not about the heartaches we face but the repetition of them that makes it challenging to have faith. When we are younger, we go through terrible things but our young spirits help us make it through thinking that there is always another tomorrow, that we have our whole lives ahead of us and we’ll do just fine. But somehow it is hard to hold on to that belief as we grow old. We are running out of time and energy, and some times, the light. I am exhausted.

And this is how it always ends...
Alone.