Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Chaos.

Lately, the strongest urge I have to write is when I should be doing a thousand other things with my time. Things that cannot - should not be delayed. Things that are seemingly so important as to substantially change my life's direction. But will they? For years, I did not have the courage to find out. Now I'd like to try. I'd like to wait till the last minute before the deadline to submit my article. I'd like to try to find a new place without putting it in the GPS first. I'd like to risk not setting the alarm and still hope to wake up in the morning on time. I'd like to walk into the wilderness without any maps.

I kept twirling my reading glasses with on one of it's legs. I knew this would loosen the screws, perhaps completely ruin the glasses, but I didn't want to stop. The other day I put an alcohol-based perfume into a candle I was making just to spice things up. It spiced it up, alright. One word: FLAMMABLE. That candle turned into a firecracker in no time. It was awesome. I liked that little thrill. Sometimes I have to find out - find out what would happen if I microwave the egg for four more minutes (nothing good comes out of that!), sometimes I wait to see if the pot will overflow, if I can walk from my bedroom to my kitchen with my eyes closed and not bump into anything (yes I can!). If I can walk in my heels in two inches of snow without falling. If I can catch a snowflake on my tongue. If I can take that leap of faith, if I can risk that broken heart again.

The truth is, I like chaos, even if it is at a very minor level.

29 comments:

  1. "She's a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes."
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, this is such a beautiful quote :-).

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  2. I think as I get older I think many of the same things... I really do wonder if I can risk getting my heart broken again... and take a leap of faith...

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    Replies
    1. You'll only find out if you do :-)

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  3. Chaos is so tempting, it can almost be addicting. This post speaks my thoughts!

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  4. There is always the thrill mixed with some fear to extend the boundaries of permissible limits.
    I would not call it chaos but an exciting aberration.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad its not chaos for you. It's definitely chaos for me ;-)

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  5. I love this post. :-) Thank you for writing it.

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  6. I am trying to bring up the courage to change some things right now as well. Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Good luck with yours too :-)

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  7. I was just writing about the same thing. That I like chaos. I complain and whine and its hard to deal with, but under all that, I actually like it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah me too. I am looking forward to reading your piece.

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  8. I want to make a flammable candle tooo. :D
    I like you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't try it, it was not safe :-P

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  9. Chaos keeps us alive! Been reading your blog for a while, thought I'll comment today. I like your writing a lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so glad you did. Thank you so much :-). It's always good to hear from a reader.

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  10. For me there is too much fun and order in chaos. This post is relate-able !

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  11. certainly, life without a little chaos is boring like anything! loved every bit :)

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  12. I agree :-) Life can get a little monotonous even when things are moving smoothly. A little chaos can brighten things a little. It helps us appreciate the beauty of chaos and after a while we appreciate the beauty of how things were :-)

    Sometimes, I do something when there are a hundred other tasks pending. I do that and enjoy doing that :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's good. You should :-)

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  13. Try something new everyday... :) There is no harm in it until and unless it is harmful for your life!

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  14. Neo believes he's living a normal, but slightly troubled life in 1999. By day, a computer programmer for a large, generic software company; by night, a hacker, providing the fruits of his labors to other troubled souls. He lives alone, he doesn't sleep, and there's a profound emptiness in his life, but it's something he can't put his finger on - until he is contacted by Trinity. "It's the question that drives us", she whispers in his ear, to which he correctly responds "What is the Matrix?" It is this question that has gnawed at Neo seemingly his entire life, yet he's never put it into words before now.

    Quite literally Rajii, you are out to prove that "there is no Spoon"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is amazing! I never thought of it like that but I do hope that I can prove it.

      You make my days brighter :-).

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  15. I couldn't agree more. I've been struggling with this feeling and often end up moping with guilt. Glad to find someone who shares this beautiful agony.

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  16. "If I can take that leap of faith, if I can risk that broken heart again. "

    The most beautiful statement in this post!

    Makes me feel how overly tired I have grown from my routined life and how I have been repelling it and doing things last minute just to have them done. A burden off. Yes, I have been missing oot on excitement and thrill. The spark.
    Thanks for making me finally see one of the problems why I have been having a feeling that I hate to live.
    (y)

    ReplyDelete

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