[3] Sunday

I only slept till 12:30pm today. Sometimes you think that if you sleep on something it might make more sense to you. But you are even more disoriented when you wake up. Even though I slept so much longer than normal I feel like I haven't slept at all. It's terrible.

I stayed in bed for another hour before I finally got up. Hunger was to blame for it, or I probably would have stayed under the covers for the rest of the day. After washing my face and grabbing last night's leftover wings, I opened the curtains of my room and the bright sunshine welcomed me. I am usually not a fan of the sun and I haven't seen it in a while because of the recent blizzard, but somehow it is pleasant to have that bright yellow ball back in my life.

And something absolutely wonderful arrived in the mail today - an old book, with a note that said, "I know I haven't been great to you in the past and I am willing to take the blame for everything but I totally blame you for putting me to read for leisure. I would have never found all these hidden treasures if it weren't for you. Thank you."

And just when you think that you are no good, that you might never make anyone happy, that no one might need you anymore, someone out there, somehow reminds you that you are still capable of making a difference.

We just have to hold on to that belief. Because YOU are capable of making a difference, and YOU are special.

Oh, Happiness

The question is not if you can do something  with someone. Sure, you can almost always find something to do with anyone but the question is if you can do nothing  with someone.

All our lives, we try to fill our time and mind with meaningless some things. We believe that if we could fill that void with something, we will be happier. But its not about the something. True happiness comes when you can sit with someone and do absolutely nothing, and not feel like you have to. Happiness is when you don't feel awkward about it, when you don’t have to continuously please someone to get their attention or get their affection because they are already pleased just because you are in the room. Happiness is when you don’t have to plan every single evening. Happiness is when you can be spontaneous, and you can only be spontaneous when you don't fear that you're going to be judged for being silly or downright crazy.

Happiness is simple. Its not what they make it out to be. Happiness is not in expensive gifts and restaurants and crazy amounts of work. Happiness is in holding hands and knowing that you can hold that hand. Happiness is sitting in a hot-dog joint and wiping mustard off of each others collars. Happiness is  when someone kisses your hands - if you haven't tried it, try it. You'll know what I mean.

Some people don’t get it, but happiness really is simple.

Next To Me

I want you right here - right next to me. 

For More: I Romanticize 

Old Books

Old, Old songs,
Even older books.
Your head on my chest,
My hands in your hair.
Blissful Serenity.

For more: I Romanticize

In Retrospect

Believe me, dear readers, please believe me when I say this: sometimes we really are running after the wrong things - chasing the wrong men and women totally convinced that they are the right ones for us. No matter what they say, or how they try to assure us otherwise, we still believe that what we are doing is right. Believe me when I say that we are stubborn and this stubbornness is the cause of our demise.

It is so hard to let go of our control. We think we know what is right. We think that the people we are running after are the people we are meant to be with - that there is nothing better than them. Its so extremely difficult to let go of that control, and be patient with life, believe in a higher power and let the universe decide once in a while.

I am guilty of all of this. I think I know what’s best for me. I think I know the people I want to associate myself with. I think I know who I should be romantically involved with and who I shouldn’t. But the truth is, I have very limited knowledge of all of these things.

I kept running after the wrong men, when the right one was there all along, and I almost screwed it up. I was so convinced that I wouldn't be happier with any other man than the one I was chasing. I was so sure of myself, until I crashed. The biggest challenge in life is to let go. Its when you let go, you are able to see what the universe has in store for you. We don’t even give the universe a chance - because we think we have it all figured out. Total bullshit.

Please look around you. Please look and see the people who are looking at you. Please don’t be so convinced that you know what is right. Believe. Have faith. Give people a chance. Don’t make the mistake I made. Please. You deserve to be happy.