Lately, the strongest urge I have to write is when I should be doing a thousand other things with my time. Things that cannot - should not be delayed. Things that are seemingly so important as to substantially change my life's direction. But will they? For years, I did not have the courage to find out. Now I'd like to try. I'd like to wait till the last minute before the deadline to submit my article. I'd like to try to find a new place without putting it in the GPS first. I'd like to risk not setting the alarm and still hope to wake up in the morning on time. I'd like to walk into the wilderness without any maps.

I kept twirling my reading glasses with on one of it's legs. I knew this would loosen the screws, perhaps completely ruin the glasses, but I didn't want to stop. The other day I put an alcohol-based perfume into a candle I was making just to spice things up. It spiced it up, alright. One word: FLAMMABLE. That candle turned into a firecracker in no time. It was awesome. I liked that little thrill. Sometimes I have to find out - find out what would happen if I microwave the egg for four more minutes (nothing good comes out of that!), sometimes I wait to see if the pot will overflow, if I can walk from my bedroom to my kitchen with my eyes closed and not bump into anything (yes I can!). If I can walk in my heels in two inches of snow without falling. If I can catch a snowflake on my tongue. If I can take that leap of faith, if I can risk that broken heart again.

The truth is, I like chaos, even if it is at a very minor level.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you have seen these before, and hopefully liked these quotes too. If you are new to the blog, these are true quotes and incidents from the people I interact with.  Please feel free to dig into the archives by clicking on “Funny Quotes” on the menu bar above.  I hope you have as much fun reading them as I have compiling them.  Thank you for sharing with me my silly life.


Don't fall for the British accent. It’s just the same B.S. that gets said over here; it just sounds different.
-Joe, giving last minute advise for visiting Europe. 


How did the parents of hogwarts not file a lawsuit? With giant snakes, spiders, and escaped convicts running rampant, its breeding grounds of litigation action.
-Jake


You should have already done your first draft yourself.  The first drafts are those hideous things that should never see the light of day. Don’t let them leave your laptop.
-Professor, about starting our thesis


How does an 'A' paper make me feel? It makes me feel good about you, and confident in you, and then it keeps getting depressing from there. B, C, D… and then an F paper is… you are dead to me.
-the same professor, on grading.


Me: What can you do when someone's car alarm starts and blares for the whole damn night?
Jenn: Sledgehammer. There is not a jury in the world that would convict.
-after staying up most of the night because of that alarm.


Every year more and more countries are allowing more and more people to marry whoever they want to marry... or whoever they can get to marry them.
-Bee, on gay marriage 


So what happens now? Does anyone remember this from last year? *Silence* Does anyone remember last year at all?
- Finance Professor, while explaining a concept we learned (or should have learned) during our first year


We are on a house fly hunting mission. There are three house flies in my kitchen. If you see them, you show them no mercy.
-the instructions my friend received upon entering my apartment.

This all started way back when I was in college.  A few of my friends and I had a series of strange things happen to us on a particular day in July, and somehow we were able to find the humor in that.  While sitting in a shady diner at around three in the morning, I decided to write them out on a napkin just so we can someday look at it and laugh.  Someone then said, “Put it on your blog!” and since I was a novice blogger, and looking for ideas, this seemed plausible.  I never thought it would make it past that one particular post I put on the blog almost six years ago, but somehow it did.  I think I received the most feedback on “Life is Funny” than I ever did on anything else, and hence this series was born. 

If you are a regular reader, you know what I mean. If you are new to the blog, these are true quotes and incidents from the people I interact with.  Please feel free to dig into the archives by clicking on “Funny Quotes” on the menu bar above.  I hope you have as much fun reading them as I have compiling them.  Thank you for sharing with me my silly life.


After a particularly stressful week...
R I'm so out of it, I feel like a zombie.
J: Yeah, but zombies get to eat.
---

We make promises all the time that we don’t intend to keep... like I'll be there in 10 minutes. I will buy you a beer tomorrow night.  I will love you forever…
-Professor, explaining the difference between a contract and a promise
---

S: How is that roommate of yours?
A: Oh, that guy is great – Man, he had a big heart…… for multiple women.
---

Just because you are cleared for take-off, doesn’t mean you are going to get there.
-while sitting in the plane and waiting.
---

I now understand why the University doesn't have roof access for the students.
-J, one day before a particularly difficult final exam.
---

D: Well, for next class we have a presentation on ethical writing
J: meaning, a lecture about don’t-plagiarize-on-our-zero-remaining-assignments?
-Last two lectures of the class before the semester ends.
---

Announcement at the airport: 
Angela May. This is for passenger Angela May.  You are supposed to be in Chicago, and you are not there. Please report to Gate A5.  This is still Boston, you are in the wroooong city.
---

The authors of your textbook are a lot like me - they make a lot of bad jokes.
-Professor, introducing the textbook
---

I remain unconvinced by most conspiracy theories. They require a degree of government competence which I am not prepared to accept.
-J.

---
If you want to see a "deer-in-the-headlights" look from an auditorium full of medical students, just mention the phrase "malpractice."

 For your entertainment, following are a few conversations with the wonderful people in my life... :-)

Upon leaving a mutual friend’s place…
F: If I leave something here, you can bring it right?
S: It’ll be easier to sell it up on eBay… you can buy your stuff from there.
---

Professor: Yeah, well, you kids may be Democrats now, but you'll be Republicans when you get older.
Karen: How do you figure?
Professor: It's simple: Republicans are cold-hearted bastards and Democrats are total morons. Do the math.
-Timeless political wisdom from the classroom
---

"Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit."
--English Professor
---

During a road-trip (on the interstate)
Raaji: Do you know why this traffic is moving so slowly?
S: Because, some jackass in the front is doing the speed limit.
---

While explaining the tactics of persuading a client…
Meg: Well, in your folders you have a lot of things that you will show your clients which will help you get them on your side. The first one is the statement of support. If that does not work out then you go to the background research page, and if even that doesn’t work out, you turn to what I call the "Oh shit" page. This is the research that will definitely put the client on your side.
---

American Politics Professor: Do you know what FDA is?
Raaji: Yes, the Food and Drug administration
Professor: Yes, it is the governmental department, which determines how much rat poop can go in our food.
---

This is not fair! This is so not fair. They just have an unfair advantage over us! Not cool.
I know why you are falling for him. Its the accent, right?
- On American vs. British accent. The friend shall remain nameless
---

[For more Funny Quotes, click on the 'Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above]

These have been long overdue. But here goes:



Sam & Peter to a mutual friend after a sleepover:
Sam: You, my man, can really snore. One minute he is awake, the next minute it's like there are a bunch of motorcycles going by.
Peter: Oh, that explains all the motorcycles in my dream last night.
---

Raaji: When was the last time you got this car washed? Never, right?
Dylan: No, no... it rains every now and then.
---

Three cups of tea. And how many shots?
-Komal
---

U: We won the cricket match!
Raaji: Yes we did! It was close but we made it happen.
U: Yeah we tried our best to lose but somehow we managed to win.
---

A dear friend leaves a voice-mail on my phone....
Hey, where are you? Pick up. Pick up! Pick up!! Pick up!!! Pick Up!!!! *Pause* Now that is not working, is it? Alright, call me back.
---

How long do you have to keep it in?
-Milton, on taking the hot wings contest.
---

Dylan: Shh... you are loud, we are in the library.
Raaji: People get distracted when they can hear other people, I talk so fast, its like background noise.

 For your entertainment, following are a few conversations with the wonderful people in my life... :-)   

"You guys! I just saw a shooting star! Oh my god! There it is again!"
-Emily, drunk and pointing at lightening bugs
---

E (while looking at a map): Where is Arkansas?
Raaji: You are looking at the map.
E: Yeah?
Raaji: That's Arkansas
E: Where is it on the map?
Raaji: You are looking at the map of Arkansas.
E: Oh.
---

"I can't handle my own mind. I can't turn me off!"
-Panicking
---

Alex: This is so hard, I need a drink to get through this.
Wes: I am bringing it to class. Nowhere in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Katie: That's what I've been saying for weeks!
-On consensus
---

"I was born on my birthday"
-Raaji, in an attempt to avoid answering the when-were-you-born question.
---

While playing scrabble,
Megan: Noon. Is that a word?
Raaji: Yes.
Megan *looking at the board*: But it's upside down!
---

"I know this is very complicated but do what you need to do to make this work. Take anger management classes, do drugs, take a few shots before you come in here or whatever you need to do to get through this semester."
-Law professor, on statistical regression.
---

On the phone...
Raaji: It is getting colder here. How is the weather there?
Steph: I don't think it has made up its mind as to what the hell it wants these days.
-on temperature fluctuations.
---

[For more Funny Quotes, click on the 'Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above]

For your entertainment, here are a few conversations with the wonderful people in my life... :-)   

To an annoying co-worker: "You have the right to remain silent. You should exercise your rights as much as possible."
---

Oh my, she is actually capable of singing normal and sane songs!
-listening to paparazzi by Lady Gaga
---

During a party in Marriott, accidentally walks in the men's restroom and sees three guys...
Raaji: Oh, wrong one. Sorry!
One Guy: We don't mind :-)
---

Katie: Why do you like him? He is not even that cute.
Emily: "I’m attracted to him physically, not facially.
-good argument
---

One early morning meeting, Raaji is not a morning person, she is sitting in a corner having coffee....Alan: So, should we prceed without waiting for an answer from the appropriation committee then?
Raaji: huh? Caffeine loading,  please wait.
---

Shaf: Can I have two pieces of cake?
Raaji: Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
-on Dieting
---

Raaji: A logistical question for you: I have these pants that have a zipper, a button and a drawstring and I have recently discovered that they also have belt loops. It already takes me 5 minutes to get out of them. Why would someone add a belt?
Emily: Duuuude, they are the ultimate anti-sexual assault pants! Legit awesome
---

What? They have Braveheart and Gladiator on back to back? Now that's called good decision making.
-Cyril
---

“I can’t believe they took my license! Now if they catch me speeding I’ll REALLY be in trouble!”
---

[For more Funny Quotes, click on the 'Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above]

For your entertainment, here are a few conversations with the wonderful people who are a part of my life... :-) 

I am from here. I speak three languages: English, bad English, and profanity.
-W, during a conversation about languages.
---

Emily: needs to learn how to respond to a bitchy co-worker in German...any tips?
Mark: Middle finger?
---

While preparing for an interview:
“So after the interview, I will ask them about my price... Oh I mean my salary.”
-Marvin, Keeping it real
---

"Hey, do you guys smell that? It smells like burnt fire!!"
-Emily, on flame redundant situations
---

"I LOVE honey nut cheerios, I could eat them all day all night and whenever. Boys need to taste like honey nut cheerios.”
-Sera, while eating honey nut cheerios straight out of the box.
---

Terry: I have a whole honey dew in my room chilling for three weeks.
Jeremy: Oh, its probably alcoholic by now.
---

So this is my little spiel about why you should care... in addition to the fact that, dammit! I control your grades
-Poli Sci Professor, explaining why statistical regression is important.
---

[For more Funny Quotes, click on the 'Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above] 

Love, when sprinkled with some humor is the best treat.

Following are moments in time - said, said to, overheard, told in stories, recalled during drunken moments, and teased about. Needless to say, X is a woman and Y is a man -- I have to maintain their privacy :-).


Y: Its not fair. It is not fair. It is so not fair.
X: What?
Y: That smile.
You can't just smile at me like that. Then I have to say yes! Not cool missy!
---

Y: I was thinking you just don't talk while making love.
X: Yes, you are right, mostly I don't. My mouth has better things to do.
---

Y: But you are my sweetheart, you are the cherry on my strawberry cake...oh sorry, cherry is an inappropriate word.
---

X: Wow.... this was a good kiss!
Y: What are you trying to say about all the other ones?
---

X1: What are you doing for Valentines day?
X2: You mean, besides him? (looking at her boyfriend)
---

X: In bed I can be quite mischievous, especially with the men I really like... wait... that did not come out right.
Y: No, it didn't... I really hope you are only with the man you *really* like :P
---

Y1: So did you ever work up the nerve to talk to that girl?
Y2: Yeah, one time she sneezed and I said 'God bless you.'
---

X to Y: Alright, alright. I will kill you softly. Oh, I mean kiss you softly.
---

Talking to her two male friends...
Raaji: I don't know how people have the guts to cheat on their partners. I mean, why can't they just break up first before they go on to pursue their new love interests. I can only do one man at a time.
*they stare*
Raaji: Oh, that did not sound right.
Rob: Gee Raaji. Who are you doing these days?
Matt: Raaji is doing someone!
*both high five*
Raaji: I did not mean it that way!

but of course it was too late for that....
---

:-)

I have a little sister. She is 12 now, and she follows me around whenever she can. She says the best things, and I love her sense of humor. Here are a few random conversations with my dear little angel.

[for reference, she calls me "Appa" = Big Sister]

Dropping her off for soccer practice…

Raaji: When should I pick you up?
Sister: When I am done.
---

In Wal-Mart parking lot…

Raaji: If you do not start behaving right now, I WILL leave you here.
Sister: No, you can’t leave me here now. I can’t walk home; I am not wearing the right shoes. 
---

Giving mom a tray with Omelette and Juice…(breakfast in bed)
Sister: Mom this is for you. I made it for you.
Raaji (sarcastically): Yeah, right.
Sister: No, really, I made it! Appa just made sure I don’t burn the house down.
---

Raaji (to mom): Mom, I got her some good books to read. They are due in two weeks, could you please take her back to the library then?
Sister: Yes, mom Appa got me books, and they are evil books. Pure evil books. One of them is called to KILL a mockingbird!
---

One quiet evening...
Sister: Appa, remember the time we used to cuddle together and watch Disney movies?
Raaji: Yes
Sister:  Why did you have to grow up and ruin that?
----

More Here

:-)

 

For your entertainment, here are a few conversations with the wonderful people who are a part of my life... :-)  


Text Message...
Faz: What are you up to?
Raaji: My mom is 'forcing' a manicure on me while we watch a movie
Faz: Oh your life is soo rough!
---

"My lips are numb, but I can still read."
-Emily, announcing why she wasn't drunk enough
---

But we are in water. Alright, I take it back. We are not in water anymore, we are in oil now.
-Raaji, on the oil spill, Geography, and such
---

I cannot wait to have something to drink with Alcohol in it. Is it so bad guys?
-Britney, after a very stressful first week of work.
---

Marvin: Alright, second round?
Oscar: No man.... moderation.
Marvin: Not at a buffet!
-getting the worth of his money
---

Raaji: So how was it last night?
Marvin: I went in with one girl, I came out with another, I'd say it was a pretty good night.
----

 "It's okay to have heroin in your veins, just not in your pocket."
-Criminology Professor.
----

Raaji (looking at Shaf's drink): Is that mountain dew?
Shaf: Yeah
Raaji: They changed the color? Its blue now?
Shaf: Its a different flavor.
Raaji: Well at least this one doesn't look like pee.
*shaf laughs*
[a moment later]
Raaji: So does it taste the same?
Shaf (in all seriousness): I don't know. I haven't tasted pee.

[I meant if the flavors tasted the same]

[For more Funny Quotes, click on the 'Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above] 

 Real-life incidents and quotes from the lovely people who are a part of my life :-)

Britney: Did someone call 911 by accident? There is a police officer on the door
Raaji: I don't know, is he cute?
---

Jokes can sometimes be nice too - especially if they are funny
-Megan, During public speaking training.
---

"If you are a vegetarian, can you still eat animal crackers?"
-point to ponder.
----

"Sometimes students fall asleep in my class. I used to bring a long leather whip for these occasions, but after some administrative issues am now obliged to rely solely on public humiliation."
-Political Theory Professor
---

Office assistant explaining the old printer to me,
“Paper jams are like snowflakes –- there’s no two alike.”
---

Every time I come out of my Spanish class, I thank God for English
-Raajii, struggling with spanish
---

Emily: I'm mad.
Raaji: What's the matter?
Emily: I can't see my forehead.
-one drunken night.
---

"Why does that have to be there! Couldn't they at least make it padded or something?!"
-R, on cement highway barriers
---

In a hotel room, to a male coworker,
Raaji: Soooo, I am checking you out.
Dave: Excuse me?
Raaji: oh,.. umm... out of the room, I mean. I will check you out of the room, I am not leaving just yet. Umm... you  can give me your keys.
[he laughed really hard and needless to say, I was quite embarrassed]
---

S: This place is haunted. I dont want to live here alone.
Raaji: Relax, I lived here for quite some time - alone. I made out alright.
F: She made out with the Ghost!
---

For more, click on the "Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above.

I have a little sister. Did I ever tell you that? She is 11 now, and she follows me around whenever she can. She is the most phenomenal kid I have ever come across. She speaks the plain unvarnished truth. She dishes it out in no uncertain terms, with heartfelt emotion coloring each phrase. Here are few of the 'truths' she says...

[for reference, she calls me "Appa" = Big Sister]


"Mom, I do exactly what you want me to do.... *Pauses*... Eventually."
----

Raaji: What is my ipod doing on the floor? See, that is why I dont give you my things.
Sister: Appa, I just put it down on the floor so that I dont drop it. Geez, I am taking care of your things.
----

"Appa, you are so mean! I swear you have horns under those pretty hair of yours!"

----

Quietly laying on the couch for  half an hour or so...
Raaji: Lazy bum, get up and do something.
Sister: I am doing something.
Raaji: And what is that?
Sister: I am thinking! :-)
----

Siting on her desk in a deep thought...
Raaji: So, what is going on in the pretty little head of yours?
Sister (touching her head): Its pretty, isn't it?
----

Sister: They said there would be a lot of humidibity out today.
Raaji (knowing fully what she meant): The what?
Sister: Humi-di-bity.
Raaji: Humidity?
Sister: Oh yeah, that.
-You should hear her say this word :-P
----

Raaji: So if you could change one thing about school, what would you do?
Sister: Burn it down.
----


More soon...

:-)

Real life incidents and quotes from the lovely people who are a part of my life :-)

"I am sorry, I cant understand you, I am an ignorant American."
-Megan, On east Asian cities names
----

"If you took this to your eighth grade English teacher, there'd be so much red ink on it you'd think she'd cut her wrists."
-Biology Professor, on the written part of the bio lab
-----

"Do not lick that, or put it in your mouth...."
- regarding an electrical cord

-----

Chris: You know for 350 degrees this oven isn't very hot...
Raaji: That would be because you just opened the microwave.
-on wrong applications
-----

Please, please do this for me. I'll pay you in baked goods, cds, or other.
-Emily, the art of begging
-----

Today's topic is statistical inferences and since this is a political science seminar, I don't expect you to know statistics so today's class is going to be a lot about trust-me-on-this-one.
-Political Science Professor, on public opinion statistics
-----

Abruptly coming to a stop while running down the hallway,
Raaji: Oh,  I'm not supposed to run with scissors...darn it!
-no really, I am not allowed, I can be dangerous
-----

Overheard in Political Science Class,
Random guy: That test was really hard.
His friend: Yeah, I had a hard time reading what the Asian chick in front of me was writing.
----

For more, click on the "Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above.

Real life incidents and quotes from the lovely people who are a part of my life :-)

“Standby, I’ve had a few drinks.”
-Emily
---

Pooja and I were discussing the ending of the movie Inception right after we watched it and asked Stephanie for her opinion. She came up with a totally original idea: 'It means that this movie has ...a sequel!'
----


On the phone....
Raaji: Hello?
Faz: Hello?
Raaji: Hello.
Faz: Hello.
Raaji: Hello!
Faz: Helloo!
Raaji: HELLO!!
Faz: Yeah, any time you want to move past the hello stage.
Raaji: Jerk! I thought you couldnt hear me!
----

Marvin and Raaji talking on the phone one late night, Raaji going on and on about something, Marvin replying with an occasional, "hmm" or "ahan". Then Raaji realizes,
Raaji: Aww, you are tired right?
Marvin: Yes, very much.
Raaji: Aww, alright dear, I will let you sleep then.
Marvin (in all seriousness): Thank you.
------

Sorry, I am too busy. I cant use my brain at the moment.
-Raaji
----

At Philly airport, a guy was complaining at the help desk because his plane was late.
Man: But I have a First Class Ticket!
Employee: First Class or Economy, the plane leaves at the same time!
----

You are only supposed to ask me questions that I have the answers to!
-Criminology professor during a discussion about elections and criminal behavior.
----

Faz (sort of angry): I just realized I am a jerk!
Raaji: FI-NA-LYYY! :-P
----

And this one is an absolute classic:

"No, I do NOT want to be on your mating list! Oh, I mean your mailing list.
-Stephanie, talking to an advertising agent on the phone.
----

For more, click on the "Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above.

Real life incidents and quotes from the lovely people who are a part of my life :-)

If you are looking for alcohol, Ma'am, it is all inside my belly.
- a very drunk student sitting in the lounge and talking to the RA on duty which would be yours truly.
----

Marvin: How is that paper coming along?
Lyndsay: The paper is in desperate need of completion.
-in all seriousness
----

What if God didn't intend for us to eat the animals? He must have been pretty freaked out when we started.
-Emily
----

NR: hey pretty woman...
R: How are you, lover boy?
NR: Lonely.
- scandalous 3am text messages.
----

During a class discussion on crime and youth...
Professor: Well we blame it on the testosterones... It makes men violent.
Raajii (loud enough for the class to hear): It makes men idiots!

*after the laughter*
Professor: Well, that too.
----

"Why do we need statistics? So politicians can lie, that's why!"
-Political Science Professor, starting off a statistics lecture
----

Rob: "Are you getting the H1N1 vaccine?"
Emily: "No, I don't get viruses. I have a Mac."

----

"...the reason why I give no sources is that it is a matter of indifference to me whether the
thoughts that I have had have been anticipated by someone else"
-refusing to do a bibliography
-----

Emily: Como se dice "giraffe" in Spanish? [How do you say "giraffe in Spanish?]
Raaji: ...Giraffe?
Emily (pointing to picture): Si [Yes]
Raaji: That's a zebra. 
-On foreign animals
----

For more quotes click on the "Funny Quotes" Tab in the menu bar above :)

O.k. a couple of things before we break down... Oh I mean break up!
Professor, keeping it real at the end of class

----

Raaji: Alright, we're going home now. Enough of partying.
Katie: How are we getting home?!
Raaji: I'm driving.
Emily: You can't be sober Raaji! There's two of you!
-One crazy night

-----

"I'm gonna look up this book's ass in the index, and then kick it!"
-Chris, studying for engineering final

----

I didn't forget I just didn't remember at that moment!
-Raaji, bad memory excuses

-----

"Where's the cake?! Come and get it!"
-Emily, trying to wake up and lead a drunk Rob to his own bed

-------

During a serious discussion on parenting...
Raaji: Hey, my mother is a working woman. She worked all through my childhood, and I turned out just fine.
Shaf: Really?
Marvin: You turned out just fine?
-Jerks

(After a while, a comment that followed)
Shaf: I am sorry, but you walked right into it, I couldn't help myself, I had to do it...haha)

--------

Raaji: Guess what? I got published... again!
Faz: Again? Like... It was that bad, huh? *Laughs out Loud*
-supportive friends

----

Jewish people are Catholics who just haven't realized how awesome Jesus is yet.
-Christy, during a religious discussion.

----

He is a yum-yum man burger with a side of hunk-tato salad.
-Raaji, describing a love interest – really hungry & waiting for her lunch to arrive.