Chaos.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015Lately, the strongest urge I have to write is when I should be doing a thousand other things with my time. Things that cannot - should not be delayed. Things that are seemingly so important as to substantially change my life's direction. But will they? For years, I did not have the courage to find out. Now I'd like to try. I'd like to wait till the last minute before the deadline to submit my article. I'd like to try to find a new place without putting it in the GPS first. I'd like to risk not setting the alarm and still hope to wake up in the morning on time. I'd like to walk into the wilderness without any maps.
I kept twirling my reading glasses with on one of it's legs. I knew this would loosen the screws, perhaps completely ruin the glasses, but I didn't want to stop. The other day I put an alcohol-based perfume into a candle I was making just to spice things up. It spiced it up, alright. One word: FLAMMABLE. That candle turned into a firecracker in no time. It was awesome. I liked that little thrill. Sometimes I have to find out - find out what would happen if I microwave the egg for four more minutes (nothing good comes out of that!), sometimes I wait to see if the pot will overflow, if I can walk from my bedroom to my kitchen with my eyes closed and not bump into anything (yes I can!). If I can walk in my heels in two inches of snow without falling. If I can catch a snowflake on my tongue. If I can take that leap of faith, if I can risk that broken heart again.
The truth is, I like chaos, even if it is at a very minor level.
28 comments
"She's a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes."
ReplyDelete:)
Aww, this is such a beautiful quote :-).
DeleteI think as I get older I think many of the same things... I really do wonder if I can risk getting my heart broken again... and take a leap of faith...
ReplyDeleteYou'll only find out if you do :-)
DeleteChaos is so tempting, it can almost be addicting. This post speaks my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteGlad you could relate :-)
DeleteThere is always the thrill mixed with some fear to extend the boundaries of permissible limits.
ReplyDeleteI would not call it chaos but an exciting aberration.
Glad its not chaos for you. It's definitely chaos for me ;-)
DeleteI love this post. :-) Thank you for writing it.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you like it :-)
DeleteI am trying to bring up the courage to change some things right now as well. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with yours too :-)
DeleteI was just writing about the same thing. That I like chaos. I complain and whine and its hard to deal with, but under all that, I actually like it.
ReplyDeleteYeah me too. I am looking forward to reading your piece.
DeleteI want to make a flammable candle tooo. :D
ReplyDeleteI like you!
Don't try it, it was not safe :-P
DeleteChaos keeps us alive! Been reading your blog for a while, thought I'll comment today. I like your writing a lot.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you did. Thank you so much :-). It's always good to hear from a reader.
DeleteFor me there is too much fun and order in chaos. This post is relate-able !
ReplyDeletecertainly, life without a little chaos is boring like anything! loved every bit :)
ReplyDeleteawesome take on life.
ReplyDeleteTry something new everyday... :) There is no harm in it until and unless it is harmful for your life!
ReplyDeleteNeo believes he's living a normal, but slightly troubled life in 1999. By day, a computer programmer for a large, generic software company; by night, a hacker, providing the fruits of his labors to other troubled souls. He lives alone, he doesn't sleep, and there's a profound emptiness in his life, but it's something he can't put his finger on - until he is contacted by Trinity. "It's the question that drives us", she whispers in his ear, to which he correctly responds "What is the Matrix?" It is this question that has gnawed at Neo seemingly his entire life, yet he's never put it into words before now.
ReplyDeleteQuite literally Rajii, you are out to prove that "there is no Spoon"
That is amazing! I never thought of it like that but I do hope that I can prove it.
DeleteYou make my days brighter :-).
That's good. You should :-)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. I've been struggling with this feeling and often end up moping with guilt. Glad to find someone who shares this beautiful agony.
ReplyDelete"If I can take that leap of faith, if I can risk that broken heart again. "
ReplyDeleteThe most beautiful statement in this post!
Makes me feel how overly tired I have grown from my routined life and how I have been repelling it and doing things last minute just to have them done. A burden off. Yes, I have been missing oot on excitement and thrill. The spark.
Thanks for making me finally see one of the problems why I have been having a feeling that I hate to live.
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