I'm riding on the edge again; just-about-tipping-but-not-quite.

Sometimes, it's all about the time of day.
Sometimes, the volume of the people’s voices in the background sends me over. At other times, it is the endless stack of to-do's. The thought of making dinner again, only to watch it get eaten—hard-work-down-the-hatch.
Sometimes it's the rain; or the fact that I only slept three hours because nightmares won’t leave me alone.

Today it's a blend. Strong. A well-roasted combination.

It's coming on stronger now. Dragging at me, making me itch. I need it. A little shot—a quick hit.

I'm giving in.
Pulling out the memory box; the letters, the photos.
I take it in, one thing at a time with trembling hands . . .

One wisp of your perfume drowning my senses...

…to envision your lips on mine

Some days, it saves my life.

Do you think there comes a point where the pain just stops? Or is it never-ending?

Isn’t there a point when you no longer care because you know that it could not possibly hurt anymore? The pain is absolved and the fear is gone because there is nothing left of your soul to be ripped apart. When it happens you sit on the floor, your back to the door, and just stare at the wall. Somehow the emptiness is comforting then. You don’t want to stand up because you know exactly what is waiting for you on the other side of the door. Some people tell me that they see the darkness begin to rise from the floor. They can no longer fight off the darkness. Hence they welcome it inside them.

The light goes out, the soul extinguishes and the pain disappears.

Is that how the pain disappears?
 

There is something comforting about talking to you before going to bed at night. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I know there is something different about the whole ritual. Something feels right when I blab about absolutely nothing at all with my eyes half closed. May be it is the combination of a tired body and a sleepy mind but it does feel kind of… umm… what’s the word? I can’t find a word!

Perhaps it’s because the body heat keeps me warm or maybe it is the way you brush my hair with your fingers that put me in an almost…. (again, what’s the word?!)

Why is it that I am always sleepy but you are wide awake while we are talking? May be I am just lazy. Or too comfortable.

I like talking to you. I like struggling for words while my mind drifts into slumber. I like having the feeling that when I wake up in the morning you will be with me. I think it is the confidence of knowing and believing that keeps me satisfied and sends me peacefully to the dream world every night.

It’s just that magical feeling. Again, I can’t put my finger on it… but you know the feeling I am talking about, right?
:-)

Have you ever have blind faith in something for which there is not a scrap of evidence?

Well the answer is, you can’t.

If you could prove it, it wouldn’t be faith.

You can only have faith in what you don’t know.

That’s what faith is.  

I can’t do it. I have tried to do it so many times but I just can’t. Perhaps, I won’t. Yes, I am too shy to show you my vulnerable side.
I am too weak to make it clear. It’s an emotional suicide.

It doesn’t look like I can give you anything. I haven’t slept. I can’t connect. Am I crazy?
I laugh too loud. I have no tears to cry. Sometimes I want to cry.

But, these feelings…. These feelings won’t go away. You know it is not easy. These thoughts don’t leave me. These feelings won’t go away. They have been knocking me all over the place.
I keep thinking in the moment that time will take them away. But these feelings won’t go away.

So, here I stand. I can’t turn away. And I don’t want to cause you any pain.
But I can’t communicate.

So here I am.
And here I stand.
On my own again.

Since these are becoming increasingly popular, I have created a separate tab in the menu bar above-- if you'd like to read more funny quotes.

*real incidents and quote from the crazy little thing called life.. enjoy :-)*


Raaji: Look! There goes the point!
Emily(looking around): What? Where?
Steph: Oh my gosh, there it goes again!
Emily: How do you guys know when these points are coming?!
-A road trip gone horribly stupid


Professor (explaining the attendance policy): You are only allowed two excused absences. If you are absent for more than two days without a valid reason, that would account for 25% of your grade. And remember that two tardys count as one absence.

Raaji: What is this? High School? (loud enough for the class to hear... opps!)
-not off to a good start with this professor


Law Professor about the Legal profession: Better to be judged by 12 than to be carried by 6


Please Lord... if you let me pass this exam, I swear I will name my child "Jesus"
-Cynthia, desperate last minute moves (5 min before we sat down to take the LSAT Exam) :-)


Raaji: "Can you be sued for dying? I mean, can you die negligently?"
-a very long night preparing for a law and society exam… one should stop studying after midnight.



"I'm extremely handsome, I have the physique of a Greek god, I'm hung like a bloody fucking horse, I'm witty and amazingly intelligent, and I make a ton of money. I really need to work on my self confidence though."
-Matt, on persistent shortcomings


Julia: I'm afraid of spiders.
Matt: I'm afraid of heights.
Emily: I'm afraid of waffles!
Raaji: Excuse me?
Emily: Yeah, I'm so afraid of them that I break out into hives and my tongue swells up whenever I eat them!
Raaji: Does the concept of allergy make any sense to you?


Kyle: So when you going to cook for me? Everyone says you're so good at it.
Courtney: When are YOU going to cook for ME? Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to cook.
Kyle: Do you want steak or chicken?
-a very smart man


Raaji: "I just smarted myself stupid."
-while tackling a logic problem for the exam

He listened patiently.

He nodded his head periodically.

He wasn’t afraid to interrupt me and ask questions and give his own opinions while I was telling him even though he knew how hard it was for me to talk.
I liked that. I don’t like the quiet listeners. It makes me wonder what they are thinking. It makes me fear that they are silently judging me.

I was looking for answers when I started telling him my story. I was hoping he would tell me what to do so I will get over my problems.

There. I said it all. Amongst the tears and the coldness, I confessed all my sins and all my desires. I explained my deep dark past and begged him to understand my current issues.
Once I was done, I wanted to break down in tears and cry till I can cry no more. But he didn’t let me cry. Perhaps, it was the best thing he could have done for me at that moment and he did. He didn’t let me break down.

It made everything so much simpler. Everything between us made so much more sense. I never felt so comfortable before.

Years later, I realized, I wasn’t looking for him to give me answers. I wasn’t looking to be fixed. I was just looking for reassurance-- that all is right with the world. I was looking for acceptance.

He made me so much stronger just by accepting me. And that acceptance changed the way I viewed my past and my present. No fears.