Looking At This Photograph...

I was scanning my room for the cell phone charger which was nowhere to be found. I shuffled things on the table in hopes to find it. It was then when I looked at your picture lying on the left corner of the desk—my favorite enlarged, 13x19 inches nicely framed picture of you. My stare lingered on it for longer than it should have. It was not the first time in ages that I have seen it neither was I terribly missing you, but as always I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I have to admit that I can’t help but look at you for just a little longer; for just one more moment…

I like going over the details every time I look at you: the red turtle-neck sweater, the Armani sunglasses, the snowflakes on your sweater and some stray ones tangled in your hair, the hand raised towards the camera, the cute dimple on the cheek, lips slightly parted and oh that breath-taking smile! I love everything about this picture.

Damn this guy is gorgeous, was the first thing I said when you sent me the photo immediately after taking it. Of course I never gave you the satisfaction of knowing that until now, but my heart can’t help but skip a beat whenever I look at it. How many years has it been since you took this picture? February 2005?

We have grown so much since then, and the fanatical part is that overtime I have only grown fonder and crazier about this picture and the man captured in it.

I glanced at it again. I Smiled. (You know the smile that makes you blush? Yeah, that kind of smile…)

I instinctively touched it with the back of my hand and then kissed it. I muttered a prayer for you underneath my breath one more time.

I had to force myself to look away then…

So where was I? Ahh…. The cell phone charger! :-)

The Fun Side of Biology

So this past semester I took a biology course. It has nothing even remotely to do with my major but considering the medical background of my family (with almost everyone somehow related to biology, chemistry or some sort of science), I just had to take it. You know… I kind of wanted to uphold the family’s honor and play my part in the ritual.

So, the course went really well and I ended up learning a lot and getting close to the professor. And there were days where things just got hilarious. Following are some of the quotes I was able to record. Enjoy!
(Most of these are from the Lab)

"If anyone wants to see the Stone crab eating the horse-shoe crab, they should do that now because there is not much of it left"
-Biology Professor, proving that they really don’t care about animals


Prof: Alright here is the sponge
Raaji: its a live sponge?
Prof: Yes
Prof: As in living, breathing?
Prof: yes
Raaji: Wouldn’t it get hurt if I hold it?
Prof: no, it doesn’t have nerves
Raaji: then how does it detect its food?
Prof: Sponges have filters and they filter food
Raaji: What if there is no food for them in the water for some time, wouldn’t they starve?
Prof: no, that doesn’t happen. There are always minerals in the water?
Raaji: what if they don’t?
Prof: Just touch the GOD DAMN SPONGE!!
-Messing with the Professor... big time!



Rachel: oh, I think its dead. Oh, did I kill it? OH MY GOD, I KILLED MY EARTHWORM!!!
Raajii: Poor thing
Rachel: yeah, poor earthworm
Raajii: No, I meant YOU


Raaji: where did the Tarantula go?
Prof: It is on a time-out. I put it in the other aquarium at the back of the lab as it was on an
Eating-spree
Raaji: Ahan
Prof: It bit off the Star fish's arm, and a moment later it was feasting on the sea anonme... so I gave him some punishment


Raaji: Why don’t we have Scorpions? I want a Scorpion.
Prof: You are the first girl in my 12 years of teaching experience who loves a scorpion!
Dane (whispering): That’s why we all say she is *Special*


"Please return all the animals"
-Posted on the board by the exit sign of our lab


Professor: You have a choice between the Salamander dissection and the essay question.
Sophia: What did she say? Sorry, I missed it
Raajii: She means if we tear apart a Salamander, she will spare us the second essay question.


Raaji: Oh-uh, I think it is getting angry now
Dane: You have been assaulting it for the last 15 minutes, I suppose it’s about time!
-on poking the star-fish.


Brian: Our guys are getting drunk... oooh yeah baby!
-on experimenting the heart rate of daphnia after making them swim in ethanol

Student: What happens with the recreational use of Viagra?
Professor: I would say that if it ain't broke, don’t fix it!

Escaping Reality

When I was a kid and something bothered me, I ran away from it. I used to find an escape and pretended that nothing was wrong. That is why I was the most easy going child whose smile everyone loved. The sad part is that I still do. I run away. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to speculate what may or may not happen. I cook and clean. I talk, I chat. I laugh, I party. I do anything and everything that would keep my mind off of my fears, off of people I have loved and off of reality.

It’s just my way of ‘dealing’ with situations.

I wonder how many other people do the same. I wonder how many of us try to pretend that everything is normal and exactly at the place that it is supposed to be.

But reality hits me in the late night hours when I try to lay myself in the bed without the two strong arms that used to hold me. Reality comes back when I mutter a prayer for you under my breath. It all comes back to me when your voice echoes in my ears—when your face encircles my vision—when you take over.

Deceiving myself will not take me anywhere. I know it. But still I try to deceive myself. I try to keep myself in the illusion that you are not a part of me, that I am not yours, when the fact is that each bone in my body yearns for you and every beat of my heart calls out your name and with each breath I take, I miss your presence.

Life is never as complicated as we, ourselves make it.
I wonder why.

From The Depth of The Night....

2:29 am, Life is not always easy. I am aware of this and I’m searching through my mind for some form of self discovery. Failing to do so will result in another wasted night, which I will accept with tired reluctance. Sleep eludes me, as always.

3:34 am, I wonder if forgiving someone is actually possible. If it is, I’ve yet to achieve it; if its not, then I’m wasting my time. Why I feel the need to forgive is a mystery to me. Perhaps it’s for some ill deed done in the past whose memories still haunt me. That answer however, doesn’t settle my thoughts.

4:26 am, The tears begin. I’m not sure why, and I don’t have any understanding at all. As with most things in life, I know that the pain is there, but why it’s there escapes me. The tears stop, and once again, I don’t know why.

5:0am, The sun will rise soon. I feel myself succumbing to weariness. Giving in to sleep would only be another defeat, one that I’m sure my soul could not endure. To sleep is death, to be awake is pain. I could debate with myself the truth of that statement, but at the moment it feels right; and I’ve come to the conclusion that the “now” is the only truth. There is no past, or future. Only the moment we live in is real, and to obsess over things that aren’t real is to embrace insanity.

5:24 am, and the sun has risen. Self discovery made?

The Story

Relationships are built through storytelling. Whether you agree with me or not, storytelling is the baseline of all relationships. It is through stories that we form bonds and link emotions. It is through stories that we understand ourselves and the world around us. We are defined by our stories.

We meet so many people every day. We talk to them; sometimes we have endless conversations. We see them at work, we see them at school. We go shopping with them, we joke around, have opinions about them but do we really know them. Do we know their story?

I want you to imagine your loved one. Imagine that “Someone Special" in your life. Not the many someone specials that you might have in your life but the ONE someone special you have or had. How did it all start out? Amidst the shy smiles and flirty comments, and the holding hands and the kissing goodbyes, when was it that you actually connected with that person?

We do fun stuff with them. Hang around… have laughs, talk endlessly, admire their beauty, get impressed by their intellect, and start to adore them. Then one night, in a quiet place (preferably not the bar!), we tell them about who we really are. We tell them about our hopes, dreams and desires. We share with them our future plans. We hold their hands tightly while we tell them about our fears. We tell them our stories.

…and if we are lucky… VERY lucky, one quiet afternoon, they tell us about their hopes, dreams and desires. Where they have come from and where they are planning to head. They tell us about their scars, about their pains, about their smiles. We listen.

And with that exchange of stories our lives are enriched and in that very moment an everlasting bond is formed between us. A bond so strong that no form of separation or pain could ever break it.

Ideally, all goes well from there onwards, you share the sentiment and vow to keep on sharing your stories and creating more as you go along. You get married, you meet the in-laws and then you kind of realize that you didn’t quite get the whole story after all, but that is beside the point. :-)

I wonder sometimes, if I have ever shared my story. I wonder if I have the courage to do so. It takes A LOT of courage to truly tell someone about our hopes, fears and desires. I wonder if we really know our story. I wonder who has been a part of our story. I wonder if you have ever shared your story with someone.
To my understanding, storytelling is the only way you will ever be able to create a bond with anyone. Our stories have power—great power—on our own being and on others.

Are you ready to tell your story?

Conversation01: Haircut

"Tum ne phir se bal katwa diaye?” he said with surprise and disappoint.
“You got a hair cut again?”

Haan… haan daikho kitney pyarey lag rahay hain na,” I replied cheerfully swaying my head.
“Yeah, look how pretty they are!”

He rolled his eyes.

Ouch, this is going to be hard, I thought.

He was sitting on the sofa browsing TV and I stood in the doorway. I stepped towards the sofa and sat on the floor-- in front of him on my knees such that my face was in front of his. He pretended he didn’t notice. I smiled and came a little closer.

He looked way.

“Jao tung nahi kero,” he said, annoyingly.
“Go, stop bugging me”

“Oh come on, at least look at me!” I said giving in.

He looked at me—a serious expression, a frowned brow and lips pressed together.

“You have to admit I look cute with short hair,” I added.

He smiled. You know the kind of smile that you don’t want but it comes out anyway.

“But it’s short” he finally replied.

“It’s not that short, it’s below my shoulders,” I wasn’t going to give in that quickly.

“Ok Mr., here is the deal. This haircut makes your lady happy and when she is happy, she might just make you a very happy man too… IF you know what I mean,” I said with a wink and a very mischievous smile while he tried NOT to smile.

“Ahem… In that case, I suppose I could admit that the bangs on your forehead are kind of sexy,” he said studying my face.

YES! Now we are talkin’, I thought.

My lips curled into the winner’s smile.

“I look cute, right?”

“You are cute........... regardless,” He concluded.

Ahh… How so much I love the everyday conversations…. :-)

Moments In Time

-Mean faces. Ugly Thoughts. Disgusting People.

-Done. Gone. Goodbye.

-Quick Handshakes. Hellos. Countless Faces. Orange and Blue. Familiar people.

- Book Bag. Library. Academic Quad. Sunset. Chapel. Beauty.

- Long Distance Phone Calls. Cheesecake. Love Songs.

-Candy Kisses. All Over.

-Picture Slideshows. Endless Hours. Laughter.

-Golden Birthday. Sweet Surprises. A lot of Love.

-Warm Hugs. Lovely Kisses. Holding Hands. Dancing.

- SASA Executive. Meetings. New Plans. Countless Events. Joy.

-Long Drives. Music. Lovers.

- Concert T-Pain. Third Eye Blind. One Hell-of-a-Night.

-Faz. Meg. Ceal. Raaji. Fantastic Four. :-)

-Spring evenings. Long Walks. iPod. Reminiscing.

- One moment of joy. Endless. Priceless.

-A Mysterious lover. Long Conversations. Smiles.

-Bull Run. Late Night. BBQ Wings. Funny arguments.

-Wrong Choices. Self Hatred. Disgust. Regrets.

-Chick Flicks. My Best Girls. Weekend.

- Hurried Goodbyes. Promises. Excitement of Meeting Again.

-Brown Eyes. Hope.