Your Story

Here you are, quietly sitting minding your own business. May be you have a cup of coffee in your hand, or a song in your head. But you are sitting around writing your story. Page after page, chapter after chapter, you are filling your story with memories, with perceptions, with opinions. But along comes someone and tries to mess with it. They think that they hold power on you. And you let them believe so. You have your reasons for that; sometimes malicious, some times just curious. They think that they can alter your course of life, as if they can treat you a certain way and you will change. As if they can influence you to act in particular way, or to make certain decisions for you, perhaps they can get their way with you. Then perhaps they can somehow find their story in your story.

But it's your story, not theirs. They abandoned their story to be a part of your story. Too bad. But to think that they can jump right in and change the characters and the plot, is a foolish thought. They might be able to twist the story a little bit, but it's your story after all. You decide how long you keep which character in and throw which one out. Only you can draw your conclusions. Only you can write it. Only you can finish it. And the good part is that, you get to finish it the way YOU want it. They are fools to think they can change YOUR ending. And you are bigger fool if you think that they can.

Trust me, I am telling you the story. I can change the story. I am the story.

All This Time.

I finish writing.

I quietly put the notebook on the desk and lean back in my rocking chair. I look on the ground and find him sleeping on the floor with a comforter, right by my feet. It's quiet, except that I can hear him breathing and the beat of my own heart. It's comforting - just sitting here watching him sleep... and listening.

Now it all makes sense - what the poets and the writers filled pages and pages with. I realize that nothing can really exist in solitary. We were meant to find each other, and so we did. All the heartbreaks, and the disappointments, and the long lonely nights were worth the experience when it meant coming to this moment. To this moment of simplicity, and satisfaction. We are here to make up for all the people who didn't compliment us. For all the people who turned around and left.  For all the kisses we could have had but didn't.  For everyone who broke our hearts. Now, we are making up for all the times we were sad or felt lonely, or felt like we weren't good enough. That's why it is so overwhelming, you know. Because it's years and years of time all packed together now.

A tear rolls down my eye. So... this is what happiness feels like.

[9] Sunday

It's been snowing since the new year's day, and now we are perpetually covered under a thick blanket of white fluff, which will soon turn into ice, and we'll break some bones at some point or another. Any hopes of spring are completely crushed, and most people are just snowed in, hiding in their houses. But not me, when people go in, I come out.

As I make my way through the porch and into the street, I feel the silence. This street, these houses are never as quiet as they are tonight. It is as if everything has just stopped for a moment. The air, the leaves, the birds, the crickets, and other bugs, and most surprisingly, the people. I walk by the same houses I walk by all the time, mostly peeking in - looking at women cooking in the kitchen and kids watching TV in the lounge - but tonight it seems as if there is no one behind these walls; as if everyone is either asleep or sitting quietly respecting this transformation of the season, and bowing down to the laws of nature - or perhaps they are all in as much awe as I am.

I suppose that's the whole point of the snow: it pauses everything. When it falls, take a breath, and then hold that breath to marvel at it's beauty; to acknowledge it's power. I suppose this is nature's way to tell us to calm down, to breathe, to reflect, to just pause, even if for a moment, but to just slow down. My, oh my. What a miracle this snow is.

Journeys.

At one point, our paths crossed, but we did not know how to stop moving forward.

Moment of Peace

There were a multitude of emotions playing in my mind, each trying to suppress the other. I had a strange revelation, possibly because there is a certain limit to which the mind can accommodate conflicts. There I was, in total longing and wanting, just to make the other realize the extent of my love. I never consciously wanted anything in return but you reach a stage where the heart desires some comfort which can only come from the other. It makes you hungry and fills every thought in your mind. You question yourself - if you lacked in anything. But apart from superficial flaws, it has all been honest and noble. The intent had been clear because it is not everyday that you find love. And when you find it, you give all that you have. It is a stage in life when you learn to love the other more than anything else. You do not care to die for them, and it feels good because the entire process is a path to self discovery. Then, it hurts so badly, you become fearless, and death is no longer a terrifying preposition.

One morning you wake up and suddenly the sun is shining. It is subtle because the mind is still aware of the chill, but the heart feels warm. You rediscover yourself and the happiness which you have overlooked for a long time. There is no animosity although the scare of a relapse lurks at the back of your mind. You do what anyone would to indulge yourself. There is a smile on your face.

There is no love lost. The intensity remains the same. The perspective changes in a moment that inexplicably redefines feelings. It is like accepting death. There is a moment of eternal peace in the moment before dying.

Dorothy's Shoes

For some odd reason, these shoes on my shelf make me think of Dorothy's shoes in Wizard of Oz even though they look nothing like them. I keep wondering about weird adventures and wisdom found with strangers. But most importantly, whenever I look at these shoes, they remind me of a conversation between the Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow:

“Oh, I see," said the Tin Woodman. "But, after all, brains are not the best things in the world."

"Have you any?" inquired the Scarecrow.

No, my head is quite empty," answered the Woodman. "But once I had brains, and a heart also; so, having tried them both, I should much rather have a heart.”

Life is Funny [32]

For your entertainment, following are a few conversations with the wonderful people in my life... :-)  

On the phone...

Raaji: You look thinner in the photograph!

S: I look thinner in real life too.

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Tom: Dude, you're lazy.

Joe: I prefer the term "motivationally challenged".

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"Never again will I reply to a work email with "regards" because the letter g and t are too close together."

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My Supervisor about a staff member...

Yeah, she is not coming in today. She said she has a stomach ache. I told her, that's called a hangover.

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How long do you have to keep it in?

-Milton, on contemplating to take the hot wings challenge.

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Raaji: Ok, I lost my thought of train.

Marvin: train... of... thought?

Raaji: Yeah, that.

- it was one long night during finals  week.

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Faz: So what is with you and sleep these days?

 Raaji: They have this new grass cutting machine which sounds as if a helicopter is flying over your head, and then they start cutting the grass so early in the morning right outside my building, so I am not getting any sleep.

 Faz: And how early in the morning is that?

 Raaji:  Umm... around 11:30 a.m.

---

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“Ok Raajii...so when you're famous, remember us small people”
-Emily, looking at my photography

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[For more Funny Quotes, click on the 'Funny Quotes" tab in the menu bar above]
 

[8] Sunday.

It was a white Christmas, and it's an even whiter New Year. I love this kind of snowfall - when the air is still and you can clearly see all the snow flakes with their separate identities softly covering the ground and anything on it. Today is the first day of the year, and we have decided to not come out of our pajamas, rather curl up on the couch, read our favorite books and drink peppermint hot chocolate from the same cup. I like how it is so quiet here other than the occasional sound from the heater or the flipping of the pages of our books (or now the clicking sound of the keystrokes on this keyboard). I like how our feet touch from time to time and I tend to linger on just a little longer because mine are always so cold. I take a peek outside from the window every now and then and every time I do, I feel like I am in a snow globe in my own winter wonderland.  I like how I am so warm in here, which is making me drowsy. I like how it's just us.

 I yawn a long yawn, I sip from the hot chocolate one more time, I turn another page of Sarte... I feel love all around me. We look up and smile at each other. I wouldn't start the new year any other way. Perfection, I realize, is usually hidden in fleeting moments, like this one.