Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Funerals

The last time I saw him was in October five years ago. We sat on my favorite bench, but we weren't making any good memories. He was there to tell me what he had decided. He was there to tell me that he chose her over me, and that was it. He didn’t give me a chance to ask any questions or to get any closure. He didn’t give me a chance to cry and yell at him. He just walked right out.

The next time I saw him was five years later at a funeral. Our paths would have never crossed again if it weren't for the death of someone we both knew. Funerals have a way of bringing everyone together. They expect that we put everything else behind us and just get along even if it is for only that day. So I did that. I got along just fine with everyone, including him. I knew he was more devastated than I was from this loss, and I couldn’t help but feel sadder for him than I did for losing a friend. When we looked at each other, I could tell that he was surprised to see me there. Perhaps he didn’t think I would actually come, or perhaps he just didn't think about me at all. But once he saw me, he couldn't stop looking at me. So I walked up to him. We shared a few words about our loss. We tried to console each other, but we couldn’t really. How do you get over someone’s passing? You can’t really. You just learn to live with it.

We are wired to cry and feel sad, and regret many thing we have done when someone we know dies. We cry for someone who is no longer with us, and quite possibly is in a much better place than most of us. We cry when that someone has found their peace, when someone has lived and seen, and is now finally resting. We have a hard time letting that go, but we don’t ever care to shed a tear for the living. We kill something inside each other everyday, and we don’t mourn that loss. There are ways of dieing that don't end in funerals. Hearts break, lives change, even completely destroyed, and we don’t even shrug.

It doesn't matter if he feels sad, or guilty, or even if he apologizes. It's all done now. I died then, and he can't bring me back to life for himself again. I can't unfeel what I have felt.

I suppose he'll just have to come and cry at my funeral too.

39 comments:

  1. You can never unfeel what you once felt..

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  2. An emotional one...

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  3. Very true...this is life...wonderfully explained. Good luck

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  4. Gosh !
    this made me utterly sad. Strong words to show the reality
    good one

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  5. True...we kill something inside us and don't even mourn about it...worse don't even acknowledge it. And it takes deaths that end in funerals to make us feel the significance of being alive.

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  6. The living dies multiple times thinking about the past and the lost dear one.

    Beautifully expressed.

    P.S. Thanks a lot for visiting my space... c ya around :)

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  7. There are so many things that we let die everyday.. a relationship..a value that we once stood for..or a person who we took for granted.I guess something or the other dies everyday..and as you rightly said, it takes a funeral for us to stop and mourn for what we just lost.

    But we also have the power to give birth..give life..to what was once dead.If only we want to...

    Beautifully written....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, we don't. We could probably give birth to something else, but not the same thing. Otherwise no one would be dieing because we'd keeping bringing the dead back to life.

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    2. The dead do keep coming back to life, in their own way. We see glimpses of them in the lives they leave behind.

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    3. The dead do keep coming back to life, in their own way. We see glimpses of them in the lives they leave behind.

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. Death .. the inevitable .. the one truth no one in this world can deny.

    But if you look closely , death , whether of a relation or relationship, is a way to a new beginnings :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, new beginnings, that's where faith comes in :-)

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  9. Oh! God! My heart broke while reading this.

    So many layers to it! wow! Death as a metaphor and death as it is!

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  10. Death and loss are both something that none of us will ever escape in life. Grieft is a part of life just like joy is. I think it's important to "feel" and allow ourselves to grieve and let the tears help release the pain. What a beautiful post my friend.

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  11. I can't unfeel what I have felt.

    :)

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  12. "I died then, and he can't bring me back to life for himself again. I can't unfeel what I have felt.
    I suppose he'll just have to come and cry at my funeral too."

    Just so so very much what I have in my mind right now. Very beautifully written. The only difference is, even my funeral would not bring him.

    A pleasure to be reading you after such a long time, Raaji. Hope you are doing fine.

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  13. And it's a strange coincidence.. I wrote about Closure very recently. It is so important - closure, very few people do it. It takes courage. Loads of it. Many just love to bury their heads in the sand and move on.

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  14. "We kill something inside each other everyday, and we don’t mourn that loss."
    So true!

    ReplyDelete
  15. "We kill something inside each other everyday, and we don’t mourn that loss."
    So true!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have found this article very exciting. Do you have any others on this topic? I am also sending it to my friend to enjoy your writing style. Thanks
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  17. Blessings....
    Absolutely there are many ways to die and I concur seldom does anyone shed a tear for our broken hearts, spirit, soul.However in spite of all that we have to choose to be happy and find joy in every moment regardless of the hands we are dealt.

    peace.
    Rhapsody
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    ReplyDelete
  18. This is deep stuff but real. Sometimes all we can do is live with the past as trying to let go of it will result in more loss than what we have already endured.

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  19. you made me cry..loved d post :(

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    Replies
    1. Aww, I am sorry, I didn't mean to.

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  20. I lost a very close friend a year ago and I guess I can relate to this. Except the last bit though, i love him and i just know that he won't ever leave.

    Even though the thoughts of death and loosing somebody because nature decided to take them away are scary. Yes, I guess, we just have to deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We win, and we lose battles in life.

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  21. Unless your name is Haruki Murakami, this is plagiarism honey :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have never read this person. So if there is any similarity, it has to be a coincidence.

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    2. Oh alright, sorry about that then. You do write amazing though. I'm moved. Cheersssss

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  22. Beautiful post.. There's truth in every word you have said in this post.. !!

    ReplyDelete

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