Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Ok, I am no advice columnist, neither a psychologist nor specialized in any way in men’s psychology. I am just another woman who has her opinions.

They say, men and women always end up on the opposite ends. Women complain about how insensitive and “gross” men are and men whine about the cry-babies women can turn into.
Granted, there are differences but we have to learn to live with them, right?

Lets start with relationships. Men are committed. Period. If he is committed to you once probably he will remain committed to you for the rest of his life. But the problem is that you don’t really know when he is really committed. Sometimes women ‘think’ men are serious about the relationship but they are not and then they ‘cheat’ on the women.

Ok Consider this: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know there’s always a chance for us".

Another thing women need to understand and tolerate is that men are big kids (Com’ on guys, accept it!). Deep down, all men are big ol' boys. (This explains why so many grown men wear baseball caps.) Their interests are boy-like, too. Take his obsession with sports. Most men love anything that involves kicking something, throwing things or punching other men. Sounds like 10-year-olds on the playground to you? Does to me. When you put three or more men together, they bond by yelling at the TV and being idiots to each other. Regressing into childlike behavior isn't just a means of amusing themselves — it's their way of escaping real-life pressures and feeling accepted as they are. There's no point in denying guys time to release their juvenile side. And hey, at least they're doing it during boys' night out and not in front of your friends or family!

Another thing I have learnt from my day to day life is that men don’t take hints. Whether its your friend, husband, boyfriend or brother, they just don’t. I think it is because when men are with other men, they don't tiptoe around each other and drop subtle suggestions. That's because hints don't register with guys. Women pride themselves on being able to know intuitively what their friends, husbands and kids are thinking, but men have no interest in reading minds. That's I've learned from men: "If you don't ask, you don't get." In relationships, I don't expect a guy to know exactly what I want — and whenever I do, I'm disappointed. If, for example, you want him to take you out for your birthday, you're wasting your time dropping hints like "Guess what day Friday is? It's someone's birthday!" If you do that, you'll be 80 before he takes you out. And while you're at it, don't hint about wanting a gift that's shiny and lasts forever: To him, you've just described a set of Emeril pots and pans.
But, if you do ask, chances are you will get it. Be it an expensive ring or a loving kiss, don’t hesitate to ask them for it.

Coming down to a more domestic level, women should all know that men don’t do their laundry until they are out of clean clothes. If this happens before then that means someone else is doing their laundry for them. Sometimes, their dirty laundry even comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

A couple more things to keep in mind:

Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to their manhood. Just spare him the misery.

Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.

If he has to sit through “Notting Hill”, you have to sit through “Showgirls”.

If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.

He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay… maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…

Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.

Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

But in the end, remember that men are human. We all are. We are unique and we have our own individuality. You will not go anywhere in understanding someone if you keep on putting them in one stereotypical category or another.

Good luck Ladies! :-)

(Some ideas taken from Cosmopolitan Magazine, Forgot the exact issue)

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  1. OMG ! Why do you have no comments on here yet on this hot topic?

    You must come check out Hum Tum V on my blog.

    I think you will like it a lot!! Its still on the first page!

  2. @ Solitaire
    well I suppose this is so because I just published it.
    However, I am looking forward to some very interesting comments from people... especially some of my "male" friends :-)

  3. Raaji, the post you read on my blog is not biased. It had verbatim responses based on a poll that I conducted on

    The first one allowed men to complain about women (that was compiled as Hum Tum IV) and the second one was for women to rant about men!!

  4. Hi Raaji,
    You said a mouthful about men and almost all of them are correct. But we can never categorize men in specific boxes since like women, there is such a thing as individual differences with men. You are right though that most bachelors are overgrown kids used to be pampered by their doting mothers. There is one thing that you must learn about men. Men are by nature polygamous. There is a certain period in his life that he may gallivant around. But he sticks to a certain woman in his life, one that he intends to marry. Men are also very boastful of their prowess in having many girlfriends. That's the stuff they talk of over bottles of beer and everybody would boast of their exciting experiences with their women. Women must use their intuition to discern the true intention of a man when they are with them. Thanks for this exciting post. God bless.

  5. @ Mel
    I do not, in any way, mean to categorize men. And about relationships, the first thing i said is that Men are committed. If they are sincere once, mostly likely they will remain sincere for the rest of their lives.
    Besides, I want the whole piece to lean more towards humor than a debate. :-)

  6. When people howl over Men are from Mars and Women from Venus shit. I say, even what if they are from Jupiter or Saturn, fact is NOW both are stuck on Earth so they have nothing but to LIVE. And its HIGH TIME that we stop reminding them about their native planets, this might result in homesickness. :P

    Moreover about this whole Men-Women thingy. I believe fact is both ARE different in ways and this ain't any crack jack. Also, whatever both the sexes say about each other its just their experiences. Hard Luck I say. So we should rather try removing the plural from, and not say GUYS/GIRLS are like this/that. Its just 1-2 that you landed upon. :)

    About the post, it was really good reading all this from a girl's point of view. And needless to say all of it did made sense. :)
    And, a BIG YES that females need to understand that if a guy was "seriously" committed in a relationship then it takes eons for him to get over it after the heartbreak.

  7. @ Rohit,
    yes, my point exactly :-)
    I am glad you agree :-)

  8. you know whenever someone writes on men-women relationship there always someone who says it is all clishes and prejudice. Well you have got some fair points and no matter how we, women, want it to be different, it is impossible to change things that are there over generations.
    Your article was exactly what i needed today because even knowing these things i started to forget them when dealing with men. Thanks for reminding me :)

  9. @ Lena
    Well I suppose Clinches are a part of us, no?
    I am glad I was able to help... hehe :-)

  10. Nice study done.. was agreeing to everything and yeah, women really MUST keep these mind :)

  11. hey--lots of exceptions to the general rule.(I know some great guys who cook, do the laundry and keep their place really well--and no they arent gay!) I know some women (me included) who really enjoy sports(I'd rather play a game of basket ball than go shopping anyday!).
    But yes--Men are from mars and women are from venus--the sooner we accept that the better is it for all of us!
    A real interesting post--enjoyed reading this.

  12. I agree with whole of it...and i agree that not many women would understand that how it is not good to make men hold their purses...

    was a nice read!!!

  13. Raaji, I thk u have done MBA in Men's stream.:-)))

  14. That's a masterpiece :-)

    You've mentioned EVERY damn thing other than the fact that women are intellectually inferior. But that omission is understandable ;-)

    Well, seriously, I loved reading the post, more than once. And your superb writing style makes up for the few cliched notions you've used.

    [correct this: "Weather its your friend, husband, boyfriend ......."]

  15. @ ps
    Yes I agree with you. I am the girl who NEVER finds shopping fascinating and love sports... and even in my article i left room for the exceptions and explained that each person is quite different from another and we should try not to categorize them all the time :-)

  16. @ Raja
    Hahah... thanks. I have always been horrible with spellings... you are turning into my spell checker :-)

  17. Fab posting on Men-Women said it all generally. And of coz, some exceptions here and there...

    ..hahhaha hellya! If you put me with a man with the same interest on football, we both are going to scream on top of our lungs coz like any other female friends who love football,I'm no exceptions!!..screaming and yelling give satisfaction and that's the excitement and thrill of watching games of your choice..:)

    Was a good reading!

  18. It was fun reading this post! :D

  19. hahaha that was a great post got to know a lot about the species called "men" lol! and i find it all very much true!! lol

  20. it was a good read..
    u've got some fair points down re!!

  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

  22. For me the last paragraph summed it all up & yes i also disagree with this point being made that men don't have any interest in reading minds or they don't tend to get cues but still nevertheless its quite true & most of your observations are spot on:)

  23. haha.....that was an interesting read to say the least. You hit on a lot of things Raaji that are true, but the list above once again ends up to be a somewhat stereotypical, albeit somewhat true, observations. But, overall, the blog was relatively humorous, which I think is what you were going for. ;) An interesting follow-up project might be to write a similar blog about women that you wish men knew.

  24. Now this one deserves to be published in a column!


  25. lol. Honestly yeah subtle hints wont ever work. I mean, whats the point in giving subtle hints? :S You girls could say it out loud and get what you want :P Good post. I'd give it a 5 out of 5! xD

  26. good post could start a consultancy or something :P

  27. I loved this whole article raajji.. and laughed my guts out on the hilarious lines. great tips too!

  28. ha ah
    good one!
    the blog as well as the discussions here in comments section!!

  29. ummm ok i m a man...cant diff btwn shampoo n nair bottle...btw wts a nair bottle??? honest question

  30. I agree with what u said! :D
    but u have missed out on one more important point! :D
    U didnt write about 'SEX'


  31. a lot of it is very familiar!

  32. loved reading it!! awesome post raaji.. u have no idea how uch u helped me!! :)

  33. @ Sam
    wow... i helped you? :-O
    Ok cool... anytime buddy :-)

  34. >>He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay… maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…

    so true yet we, girls tend to et jealous if our boyfriends look at other beautiful women...

  35. True True True......every word penned here :)

  36. excellent post raaji, good good analysis. loved it :)

  37. Haha throroughly njoyed readin this one. So very true nah..also add to that - men just don't listen.

  38. awesome! you are so right, men are lousey at taking hints! i've totally given up on even trying that. :) but lucky for me shahid likes to cook, but then again he's teaching me to cook what he likes to eat ;). cheers!

  39. cool observation and very right!!!

    I just realized I am so different:s


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