[1] Sunday

Today is a good day.

The more it gets cold outside, the more I love it to be cozy inside: lots of pillows, some framed photos, nice lighting, many books, and a lovely cup of coffee.

Everything is so sad, and so beautiful.

And I've been daydreaming lately – about picnics on the beach, flower hair-bands, ice-creams, and golden sunlight. While sipping my special blend of coffee, I tell myself that my time is just around the corner – that all the wrongs will turn into right very soon and I will smile from my heart.

Some Sundays it all feels like a load of crap, while on other days I convince my tiny heart to smile briefly.

Today is one of those days.

Today is a good day.
 

The Kid In You.

We should never let go of the kid inside of us. Because, you see, it is the kid inside of us that keeps us from going crazy.

 

The Point.

Sometimes, I think we’ve got it all wrong. What if the point of life is not what we think it is? What if it is not about the job we take, the money we make, the company we keep, the clothes we wear. What if the things we are running after are really the things we shouldn't be running after? Perhaps we are all running in the wrong direction. All our lives – chasing the wrong things. What if life is not about control and gain? What if the point is not to stay away from all those people, places and emotions that we so needlessly fear? What if the point is to actually let go of that control?

What if the primary reason for existence is to lay down with your lover naked under a shady tree? What if the point is to taste each other's sweat and feel the fingers gently pressing on the back, thigh on thigh, lip on cheek? And what if during those kisses, the point is to stop for a moment and see the sun setting, the fireflies twinkling, and look at your lover's face to see the rustling leaves while feeling the breeze? What if the point is to include these beauties of the world in your life and share it with your lover? What if the point all along has been to get along, to relate, to experience things on their own terms? What if the point is to feel the joy when happy, love when loving, anger when angry, thoughtful when full of thought? What if the point from the beginning has been to simply experience and... be?
 

[2] My Sister Says...

I have a little sister. She is 12 now, and she follows me around whenever she can. She says the best things, and I love her sense of humor. Here are a few random conversations with my dear little angel.

[for reference, she calls me "Appa" = Big Sister]

Dropping her off for soccer practice…

Raaji: When should I pick you up?
Sister: When I am done.
---

In Wal-Mart parking lot…

Raaji: If you do not start behaving right now, I WILL leave you here.
Sister: No, you can’t leave me here now. I can’t walk home; I am not wearing the right shoes. 
---

Giving mom a tray with Omelette and Juice…(breakfast in bed)
Sister: Mom this is for you. I made it for you.
Raaji (sarcastically): Yeah, right.
Sister: No, really, I made it! Appa just made sure I don’t burn the house down.
---

Raaji (to mom): Mom, I got her some good books to read. They are due in two weeks, could you please take her back to the library then?
Sister: Yes, mom Appa got me books, and they are evil books. Pure evil books. One of them is called to KILL a mockingbird!
---

One quiet evening...
Sister: Appa, remember the time we used to cuddle together and watch Disney movies?
Raaji: Yes
Sister:  Why did you have to grow up and ruin that?
----

More Here

:-)

 

© Raaji Q. / 2011

I think that I am waiting. Waiting for something - someone -  to happen. It is not as if I am waiting for someone to come and change my life drastically, or to be my savior, or fill a void in my heart. No, its none of these things because I know that I am capable of change, there is no need for saving and I am not haunted by any emptiness. It is not as if something is lacking or missing - my cup is full.

The truth is, I am always producing and hoarding more love inside me, but there is no release. I want it to flow now. I want that over whelming feeling of joy - that which I would not have to contain. But my cup is not brimming. It is as if I am there but I am not quite there yet. There's nothing worse than waiting and not knowing what'll happen to you. Your own imagination can be crueler than any captor.

 

Snow This Morning...

You know how we all have those people in our lives who seem kinda nice but we are almost always skeptical about them because we don't really know why they are there. Are they supposed to really serve a purpose or are they just there to be a hindrance. We judge them too quickly, we push them out too soon. Now that's pretty much how I feel towards snow. Walking on this path this morning, all I could think about, with a grumpy face, was how messy, slippery and harsh it is.

But then, all of a sudden, a snowflake quietly came and settled on my nose. It felt like a kiss.
 

Hello.

On my way back from work, I walk by quite a few houses in this old Midwest neighborhood before I get to my own place. There is something about these houses in this neighborhood that I haven't seen in city neighborhoods before. Perhaps it is the porch and the steps leading to that porch that makes them more welcoming than the suburban houses, or perhaps it is their wooden frames that make them appear comfy.

I can still see the remnants of Christmas decorations around the porch and the roofs even though it is all quiet now. Life has come back to normal and the cold has settled in silencing everything around it. Sometimes when I walk by, I get a peak of a family having dinner in the kitchen, and sometimes I can tell by the flickering lights that someone is watching TV in the lounge. Sometimes, a dog would peek from the front windows and wag its tail.

I wonder about these people’s lives - whether they are lonely or if they have families. I wonder how many people would be having dinner alone at night behind these wooden frames or how many kids are going to bed angry, and I even wonder how many couples would be making love in their comfy homes. I wonder if I knock on a door, or if I smile at someone sitting at the porch, would I make a friend? I wonder if I will make a difference in their lives or if I will ever know them.

There could very well be a new best friend, or perhaps a lover hiding behind a door. I wonder when I will cross that line between strangers and  friends. And I know I will at some point with some of them because the truth is, even though we are all alone and strangers,  we are still connected to each other. We can no more separate one life from another than we can separate a breeze from the wind. I smile every evening when I look at these houses, because I know these houses would be familiar places at some point. It is just  a matter of “hello” :-)
 

Guardians

Everyone has a guardian angel - one who quietly sneaks into your life, puts your pieces together when they have fallen everywhere and give them back to you - all in the right order.

And then they sneak out without you even realizing it, only to come back again to fix those pieces. Ah, what would we do without those angels.

I wish your guardian angel stays close to you throughout 2011. Happy Happy year, dear readers.
 

Winter Landscapes

When you wither, let me hold you. Don't turn away to smother that cigar, you can grind that glowing ember into my skin. Sometimes we forget to breathe, but I'd steal the air to fill your lungs. Silk sheets and feather pillow scenery will never bore me, as long as your skin is the accent - tinkling wind chimes played by fairies to compliment each gasp, each sigh.

Your black tie is too stiff, my charcoal dress is too soft. We committed the ultimate irony on that day; when our hands were too hot to hold and the sweat dripped a river. I wanted to lay down in those flowers and kiss each of your petals till the wilting stopped. We should have had spring, instead you chose winter.

Your brush grew stale and the fibers snapped with each stroke. I tried to guide your trembling hand and pull your lip from your teeth, but the still-life fallacy had to be drawn. Even winter landscapes change, no matter how much water you use. Perhaps one day we'll dream under my collage of wind chime tinkling and flowers from the meadow.
 

First Sunshine

This is my first sunshine of 2011, and the first photograph I took this year standing in my pajamas outside my door while freezing Midwest winds gushed at me with the speed of 35mph, and on top of it all, I ended up locking myself out. I could not feel my face, hands or feet once I finally got myself back in but this sunshine was worth it :-)  

 

 The truth is, we have little idea of how lucky we are to be able to start all over again - to get a second chance, and see another year's sun.